How to Win Friends & Influence People

How to Win Friends & Influence People



  • 人の立場になって、その人が喜ぶこと(名前を間違えない、興味を持つ、話を聞く、褒める、認める、賛同する)をすること。人が喜ばないこと(批判、指摘、文句)はしないこと
  • もしその人の意見を変えたいなら、間接的に、その人に気付かれないようなやり方、自らが一から築き上げたと思わせるようなやり方で議論を誘導し、意見構築をさせること
  • 行動を変えたいのなら、その人のそれまでの取組みを賞賛した上で、より高尚な動機付けを行うこと


Fundamental techniques in handling people
1.Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
2.Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3.Arouse in the other person an eager want.

The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals.

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own. (Henry Ford)

Six ways to make people like you
1.Become genuinely interested in other people.
3.Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4.Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5.Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6.Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

Genuinely interested in other people is a most important quality for a salesperson to possess, for any person, for that matter.

Win people to your way of thinking
1.The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2.Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4.Begin in a friendly way.
5.Get the other person saying "yes,yes" immediately.
6.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you are.

If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.

"Socratic method" was based upon getting a "yes,yes" response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost without realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.


Be a leader
1.Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2.Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3.Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.
4.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5.Let the other person save face.
6.Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7.Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8.Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9.Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. (...) "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, the results would have been better." (...) This could be easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "and." "We're really proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others."

People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

このタイトル、日本語訳は「人を動かす」なんですけど、的を射ていて、かつ、印象的な訳ですね〜。"win friends"って「友達に勝つ」なのか「友達を得る」なのか、それともどっちとも意図したものなのか、どうなんだろうなぁと思ってたんですが、内容からすると「友達を得る」の方かな。それにしても、なんでinfluenceの目的語がfriendsじゃなくてpeopleなんだろう。「友達を得て、その友達を含む多くの人に影響を与える」ってことなんでしょうか。あえて目的語を変えた意図を知りたい。